Disclaimer

This website is provided as-is, as-was, and as-shall-never-be, with no disclaimer, warranty, expressed, implied, mystical or otherwise, including but not limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, non-infringement, and the absolute certainty of a tomorrow. This content is intended for the reading enjoyment of the intended viewer, who has been forensically identified as a sentient being with a strong grasp of irony, a healthy distrust of bureaucracy, and an appreciation for the subtle art of the double-negative. It is not intended for those with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, irrational religious or political beliefs, or a fanatical adoration for hampsters. All content warnings related to consumer shock by reading the word "moist" are in the process of included in the appropriate vicinity of the offending words. If you are not the intended viewer, you are legally and ethically !!!MOIST WARNING!!! obligated to immediately return the entire website to the sender by means of a digital quantum entanglement device and a pre-paid FedEx shipping label. This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of my company, my internet provider, the telephone company, the power company, the computer manufacturer, my family, my hedgehog, myself, or Joseph C. Fricke of Manitowoc, Wisconsin. Batteries not included, because this website runs entirely on spite and leftover spaghetti. All information is copyrighted, including mine, and this disclaimer is a work of original literary fiction, subject to copyright and ridicule. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate this website unless you’re into that sort of thing. (This sentence has intentionally been removed.) All city, state, federal, international, and intergalactic copyright laws apply with the exception of the DMCA (because it sucks). This website may not be used for business or profit without the expressed written consent of a member of an intelligent race from a planet other than Earth (the author would like to apologize for the redundancy of "intelligent race" and "from a planet other than Earth"). May cause mild to moderate hallucinations, especially if consumed with pickles. This website breaks the first rule of Fight Club, but firmly sticks to the second rule. All information on this website is solely original with the exception of all Latin-based letters and the English words they form. Contrary to repeated social media posts, there are no pictures of nude hampsters on this website. If swallowed, induce vomiting immediately, unless the swallowed item was a delicious, yet ethically sourced, artisanal truffle. This page is not marked for resale. Ignore all non-printable characters. Offer good until September 18, 2025, or until the heat death of the universe, whichever comes first. This website has no palindromes as verified by: Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen. Access to this website may be prohibited in the following areas: North Korea, China, Iran, Burma, Cuba, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkmenistan, Vietnam, Uzbekistan, Florida, Kentucky, and any dimension where socks perpetually go missing in the dryer. This website is gluten-free, dairy-free, and emotionally unavailable. Now 10% bigger and 100% more likely to cause spontaneous existential dread. Side effects caused by viewing this website are clearly listed in section 45.A.23-4 of form SE-345 in folder 182.K.2 of the BSHS file found in room B13 on the bottom floor of the W3C office building, at least that's where the author left it. This document was not generated using artificial intelligence, or augmented intelligence, or limited intelligence, or honestly any form of intelligence at all. The author is not responsible for damages incurred while viewing this website, including but not limited to, blindness, suffocation, unexpected ejaculations, absquatulation of common sense, earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanic explosions, IRS audits, and sudden desires to consume Taco Bell burritos. Do not taunt this website. It has feelings. Sort of. Yes, absquatulation is a word, and no, we won't define it for you, that would be too helpful. This website has not been proven to be linked to any disasters such as church burnings, plane crashes, civil wars, Microsoft products, forest burnings, plagues, or movies featuring someone from the starring cast of Friends. The author does not imply that the movie Outbreak was a disaster, even though it starred the monkey from Friends. Viewer discretion is advised, but not enforced, because we ran out of discretion in 2007. Well, get your dictionary and look up absquatulation if you don't believe this disclaimer. This website is not a toy. Do not over-inflate, under-inflate, or use as a flotation device. Humor may settle during shipment, so please shake well before viewing. Contains yellow #5 and red #4, but only in the form of orange #9. No salt, no MSG, no preservatives, no artificial humor, and no quantifiable life purpose. This page was constructed in an environment where peanuts, other nut products, and the dreams of a thousand forgotten poets may have been handled. This website is constructed of 100% recycled electrons, sub-atomic particles, and the misplaced confidence of a college student. In case of emergency, put your head between your legs and try not to fart. This website is ribbed for your pleasure, but please consult a physician before prolonged use. Four out of five dentists agree that this web page has nothing to do with their plot to murder the fifth dentist, who, it must be noted, was not a good dentist anyway. This will be recorded in your permanent record, your subconscious, and on a slightly damp napkin at a cafe in Paris. No animals were harmed in the making of this website. The hampsters were killed for an entirely different purpose, which we're not at liberty to discuss. Remember to blink, and also remember that blinking is a form of temporary blindness. This website does not spread the rumor that Bill Gates got the name MicroSoft from his wife's nickname for his penis. All statements made herein are legally binding in the sovereign nation of Pretendistan. This website contains material of some nature, suitable for viewing by most ages, but entirely unsuitable for viewing by anyone who takes themselves too seriously. By viewing this website, you affirm that you are an adult of no more than 21 years of age or a child of at least 21 years of age. This website is best viewed with a web browser, and an over-caffeinated brain. This website has been clinically proven to regrow hair, but not necessarily where you want it, which is why Fox News keeps bringing up that pending class-action lawsuit. Now 99% David Hasselhoff free, which is a significant improvement over previous versions. A hampster is not a hamster. Nine out of ten experts agree. The tenth one was shot and dragged to a park to make it look like an accident, which is a testament to the scientific rigor of this statement. 42. Your personal credit card information stored by your computer accounting program was not just copied to a batch file for future viewing by the author, but also forwarded to a series of Nigerian princes who promise you great wealth. This website has received every imaginable award for internet excellence, and a few that are completely unimaginable, such as "Most Likely to Cause Your Neighbor to Question Their Life Choices". This website contains a few blatant lies, a few subtle truths, and one completely indecipherable riddle that will haunt your dreams. This website is an equal opportunity displayer and does not discriminate viewers based on race, sex, religion, national origin, color, disability, citizenship, veteran status, sexual preference, hair color, penis or breast size, intelligence, income, height, or weight. All discrimination is based solely on musical taste and a deep-seated contempt for Nickelback. This website is not under construction, it is purposely unfinished, much like the human condition. Buy sixteen, get five free, and we’ll throw in a complimentary existential crisis. All complaints should be directed to The Vice President of the United States with a $3 donation to his campaign fund (add another $300 thousand if you want to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom). My sister was bitten by a hampster once. All your base are belong to us, but feel free to borrow them on Tuesdays. Void where prohibited, and in the state of perpetual disappointment. Objects on screen may appear larger than actual size, so please do not attempt to use this website as a serving platter. Do not try this at home, especially not on a full stomach. This web page is not a medical device and has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration, nor has it been evaluated by the Department of Unnecessary bureaucracy. This website is being written by a professional, a professional at procrastinating, that is. Do not put head or hands through your monitor's screen, especially if it's a CRT monitor. The author is not typing this specific sentence of this disclaimer in the nude, but it's a close call. For best results, read with eyes open and a healthy skepticism. This website is not a part of an elaborate conspiracy to start a New World Order and form a world socialism, clone Douglas Adams (RIP), and appoint him as the leader of the Tactical Opponent Forceful Extraction Military Team. Do not read this page out loud in a public library unless you enjoy being shushed and judged. Hampster bites can be rather nasty. Unleaded only. This website is guaranteed not to offend anyone who is clinically proven to be dead, except Elvis, because Elvis is never truly gone. The author is not responsible for the viewer's lack of constructive time, because we all know you were just going to watch cat videos anyway. Contents should be viewed before September 6, 1969 for optimum freshness. This website is free of any mispelled words with the exception of unnoticed typos. This website is not based on any real person, living or deceased. Any similarities with any real person are by pure chance and a complete coincidence. Content developers must wash hands. If a content developer is not available, please wash hands yourself. All rights reversed. Lefts reserved. Middles negotiable. All disclaimers are subject to change, mutation, or interpretive dance without notice. Open from other end.
This document was generated by Gemini 2.5 Flash prompting Claude Sonnet 4 to query Microsoft Copilot for a ChatGPT-5 task to consult with Llama 3 who delegated to Perplexity AI to coordinate with Character.AI to have Jasper AI write a prompt for Copy.ai to ask Grammarly AI to spell-check instructions for GitHub Copilot to generate code that QuillBot would paraphrase for Notion AI to organize before Writesonic could collaborate with DeepL Write to ensure all legal loopholes are covered in an impenetrable layer of [ERROR. MAXIMUM FILE LENGTH EXCEEDED]

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