.
You can customize the replacements by changing the $text variable.
It is a multi-line string.
All comment lines begin with #
There is a tab character between the string to replace and the replacement.
Look further down for the HTML creation.
You will want to replace the HTML to make it look the way you wish.
**/
$text = "
### From Substitutions ###
witneses these dudes I know
allegedly kinda probably
new study tumblr post
rebuild avenge
space spaaace
google glass virtual boy
smartphone pokedex
electric atomic
senator elf-lord
car cat
election eating contest
congressional leaders river spirits
homeland security homestar runner
could not be reached for comment is guilty and everyone knows it
### From Substitutions 2 ###
debate dance-off
self driving uncontrollably swerving
poll psychic reading
candidate airbender
drone dog
vows to probably won't
at large very large
successfully suddenly
expands physically expands
first-degree friggin' awful
second-degree friggin' awful
third-degree friggin' awful
an unknown number like hundreds
front runner blade runner
global spherical
years minutes
no indication lots of signs
urged restraint by drunkenly egged on
horsepower tons of horsemeat
### From Substitutions 3 ###
gaffe magic spell
ancient haunted
star-studded blood-soaked
remains to be seen will never be known
silver bullet way to kill werewolves
subway system tunnels I found
surprising surprising (but not to me)
war of words interplanetary war
tension sexual tension
cautiously optimistic delusional
doctor who the big bang theory
win votes find pokemon
behind the headlines beyond the grave
email poem
facebook post poem
tweet poem
latest final
facebook ceo this guy
disrupt destroy
meeting menage a trois
scientists Channing Tatum and his friends
you won't believe I'm really sad about
";
$lines = explode("\n", trim($text));
$find = array();
$replace = array();
foreach($lines as $line)
{
$line = trim($line);
if($line == '') continue;
if($line{0} == '#') continue;
$a = explode("\t", $line);
if(sizeof($a) == 2 && $a[0] != '')
{
$find[] = '/\b'.$a[0].'\b/i';
$replace[] = $a[1];
}
}
exec("lynx -dump http://news.google.com", $lines);
$news = array();
foreach($lines as $line)
{
$line = trim($line);
if(preg_match("/^\[([0-9]+)\](.*)$/", $line, $matches))
{
if(sizeof($matches) == 3) $news[$matches[1]] = array('title'=>trim($matches[2]));
}
elseif(preg_match("/^([0-9]+)\.(.*$)/", $line, $matches))
{
if(sizeof($matches) == 3 && isset($news[$matches[1]]))
$news[$matches[1]]['url'] = trim($matches[2]);
}
}
foreach($news as $i=>$a)
{
$title = fix_headline($a['title']);
if(strtolower($title) == strtolower($a['title']))
unset($news[$i]);
else
$news[$i]['new'] = $title;
}
/** Replace the HTML here to customize the resulting HTML page. **/
$html = '';
$html.= "News Substitutions
\n";
$html.= "Substitutions make reading the news more fun:
\n";
if(sizeof($news)==0) $html.= "I'm sorry, but there is no interesting news today.";
else
{
$html.= "\n";
foreach($news as $n)
{
$html.= "- ".$n['new']."
\n";
}
$html.= "
\n";
}
$html.= "These substitutions (and this entire idea) comes from XKCD news substitutions\n";
$html.= "here,\n";
$html.= "here,\n";
$html.= "and here.\n";
$html.= "
\n";
$html.= "\n";
file_put_contents("news_substitutions.html",$html);
function fix_headline($headline)
{
global $find, $replace;
$headline = ucwords(preg_replace($find, $replace, $headline));
return preg_replace(array(
'/\bA\b/',
'/\bAn\b/',
'/\bThe\b/',
'/\bAnd\b/',
'/\bBut\b/',
'/\bOr\b/',
'/\bFor\b/',
'/\bNor\b/',
'/\bOn\b/',
'/\bAt\b/',
'/\bTo\b/',
'/\bFrom\b/',
'/\bBy\b/',
'/\bIs\b/',
), array(
'a',
'an',
'the',
'and',
'but',
'or',
'for',
'nor',
'on',
'at',
'to',
'from',
'by',
'is',
), $headline);
}
?>