| Alice: | Someone at least 25 years old. May be any gender. Change the name to whatever you prefer. |
| Bob: | Someone at least 25 years old. May be any gender. Change the name to whatever you prefer. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A cafe. |
| AT RISE: | BOB is sitting at a table. |
Bob? (Change name to whatever you prefer)
Alice? (Again, change name to whatever you prefer)
It's been a long time.
You, well, you look great.
I-1-2
Still a liar, I see.
Seriously, you look like you're completely over the accident.
Accident?
At summer camp.
(Pauses, thinking.) Oh, that... that... (Remembers) Oh! It was nothing. Just a hands on demonstration of the laws of motion.
I thought you'd have a permanent limp.
Well, I do have the occasional neck spasm when I get, you know... (Waves the thought away with her hand.) Nevermind.
I-1-3
So, I didn't realize you moved to the city.
Just last week. (Showing his phone as an excuse.) My GPS still thinks I'm in denial.
Wow. One week here and you run into (motioning to herself) one of your old band mates.
(With an involuntary chuckle.) Band? I hadn't thought about that since, um... braces and, um... acne where... (Voice drifts, unable to think of words to complete the joke.)
I remember you always missing cues because you were staring out the window.
(Sits up, alert.) I didn't sit by the window. (Motions to where he imagines the door to be in the band room.) I was always by the door.
But, (Motions in the opposite direction.) the tubas were by the window.
I played clarinet.
I-1-4
Clarinet? (Pause. Sits back.) Who am I thinking of?
Must be Harry, Mark, or John. The tuba trio. (Emphasizing with both hands.) A wall of brass when we marched on the football field.
(Nods.) Must be. It is all a bit of a blur.
I could be wrong as well, but I'm usually very good at remembering names.
(Shakes her head, speaking mostly to herself.) I often feel like my memory is evaporating like a small puddle on a hot sidewalk in July.
Oh my. (True appreciation.) I forgot you were always good at writing. I think I still have that poetry book you self published just before graduation.
(Stiff.) I didn't self publish.
(Fast apology.) I'm sorry. I just assumed it was self published.
I-1-5
(Waves the apology away.) No. I mean that I do write. I write copy for the news. You know, (Mimics a bobblehead.) the stuff the talking heads read from the teleprompter and try it make it sound like they came up with it.
(Nods.) Educating the public. (Holds up fist for fist bump.) Respect. (ALICE ignore the fist. He drops his.) Is that what brought you to the city?
Yes. I've been here for six years now. (Reaches over and touches BOB with her fingertips in a friendly way.) What brought you here?
Well, the company I work for was bought out by another company.
(Bobble-head news anchor act again.) Corporate downsizing. What it means for you and your community. Details at six. (Leans in, speaking friendly.) I know how it goes. Seen it too many times.
(Smiles.) That's not exactly how it worked. (Uses his hands to set the scene.) We went into a meeting. Four tables. The new owners are the front of the room. They had breakfast set up. We never get breakfast at meetings. It is all exciting. Then, they said that we could all keep our jobs, with raises, but we have to move.
I-1-6
(Perky.) Well, that's great.
There was a catch. We had to move in thirty days.
OK. That is not great.
And we had to move here.
I see. (Trying to lighten the mood.) But, at least you got out of Pottersville, right?
Peters Mill.
Oh. Of course you moved. It was silly to think you stayed in Pottersville ever since high school.
(Begins to lean back a little.) I did stay in Peters Mill. I got a house pretty much right across the street from the high school, by the big water tower.
The big orange water tower by the football field?
I-1-7
(Annoyed.) No. Our water tower was blue and gold, matching our school colors.
(More annoyed.) Our colors were orange and black. I still have my Pottersville jacket.
Peters Mill. The blue and gold Peters Mill badgers. (Makes claw motions with his fingers.) Hiss hiss badgers.
It was the orange and black Pottersville pirates. (Makes a sword swinging motion with her hand.) The plundering pirates. Seriously, who would be intimidated by a hissing badger?
(Close to being angry.) You've obviously never met a real badger and I'm absolutely certain that I remember where we went to high school.
(Angry as well.) I can go home, get my school jacket and show you. It is orange with black sleeves and a big pirates head right on the front.
I-1-8
(Calm voice.) Bob, right?
(Also calm.) Yes. Alice, right?
Yes.
Your dad worked at the airport?
No. He worked at the packing plant. Your dad was killed in that tragic train accident?
No. He's still in the same house, yelling at the squirrels from his front porch.
Alice Harper.
Alice Hartner.
I-1-9
I'm very good at names. It was Harper.
I know my own name.
And you played flute in band?
I played saxophone, loudly and poorly.
And you fell off the roof of the cafeteria at camp and shattered your hip and missed the first two weeks of junior year.
I never broke my hip. I was in the bus accident. Tree won. I got a little whiplash.
No bus ever hit a tree.
I was on it. I remember.
I don't think you're Alice.
I-1-10
And you clearly aren't Bob.
(With a small laugh.) This is embarrassing. I think we are complete strangers. I'm so sorry to bother you.
(BOB relaxes and laughs.) Please, it's fine. In fact it's good. I don't know anybody in the city and I haven't had a real conversation since I moved here.
Maybe you should look up your Alice and see if she's in town.
Well, I don't know where she lives and we weren't really ever friends. She once called me Jessie for an entire semester.
(Taps BOB on the shoulder with her finger tips.) That is kind of cute in a lawsuit kind of way.
(Fake tapping on his phone.) Are you suggesting that I cyberstalk her just to say, "Hey! I met someone with the same name as you."
I-1-11
Isn't that what social media's for? Cyberstalk all your old classmates and coworkers?
(Nods.) Still, it'd just be weird.
As weird as striking up a conversation with a complete stranger who just happens to have the same name as someone you barely talked to back in high school?
A little weirder, I think.
So, big blue water tower huh?
And gold. Made sure everyone knew exactly where the school was. I climbed it once.
Is that allowed?
(Leans in.) Of course not, but Leonard, you know, the bully who was always skipping classes?
I-1-12
(Leans in, nearly shoulder to shoulder.) I'll take your word for it.
He was bullying me so I climbed up there and painted "Leonard Sucks Balls" on the side of the water tower.
(Laughs.) Balls.
Well, I mean, how else do you handle a bully?
I punched Sofie.
(Shocked.) Really?
(Palms up in a 'what was I supposed to do' gesture.) She's just mean. I don't remember what she said. I just remember punching her, right in the face.
(Nods.) She deserved it. I've hated Sofie since the moment you mentioned her.
I-1-13
I'm not saying it was smart. She's a lot stronger than she looks. I got three days suspension and a scar.
Really?
Yes, right here in my eyebrow.
(Shows his knuckles.) I got a scar on my knuckle here.
(Takes BOB's hand to examine it.) Punched Leonard?
No. That would be stupid. (Uses his hands to show how the window works as he explains it.) I was working drive through and you know that little window that slides open? I had to push this padded circle thing with my belly to make it open while I was holding a massive triple burger and fries in one hand and a gut busting diet Coke in the other.
And you punched someone in drive through?
I-1-14
No. Nothing like that. The window always stuck and I got angry and then, one night, I punched it. Broke the glass. Cut my knuckle. Bled all over some lady's fries.
Did you tell her it was just ketchup?
(Laughs) No. My mind doesn't work that fast. You have a real gift.
A gift and...
(Interrupts) Please, don't give me that "and a curse" thing.
Serious. Try this. True story. Scene. High school. We're sitting in desks, side by side. You ask me... Oh, pick some band.
Which one?
It doesn't matter. Any band. I'm not judging.
I-1-15
Geese in the Matrix.
(Scoffs.) Geese in the... Is that a real band?
Yes. You said you weren't judging.
I know what I said. I'm not. Look. Just move on. You ask me if I want to go to Geese in the Matrix concert, but, (Closes her eyes a moment.) I have to remember it... (Opens her eyes.) Say you have two tickets to the Geese in the Matrix concert and ask if I want to go.
OK. I have two tickets to Geese in the Matrix. Do you want to go?
(Raises her voice to mimic her younger self.) Oh, absolutely. Thanks. How much are you selling them for? I want to ask Chris to go with me.
(Visibly winces and pauses) Harsh!
(Taps the side of her head.) Unfiltered brain.
I-1-16
That hurt me and I'm not even going to the concert.
I live with this every day.
I really wish you were the Alice from my high school, but I'd probably be the one you viciously crush when I ask you out on a date.
How do you know you wouldn't be Chris.
Did you go see Geese in the Matrix with Chris?
No. I ended up with two tickets and nobody to go with.
You just needed a better Bob in your school.
(Holding out hand to for a shake.) Well, I can say that you, Bob, are much better Bob than the Bob I knew from my school.
I-1-17
(Grab's ALICE's hand with an exagerrated shake.) And you, Alice, are a very nice Alice as well. I am happy to have had the chance to get to know you just a bit.
You're right... I was just thinking... This place is my Tuesday lunch spot. On Wednesdays, I go to the sub shop over on Fourth Street. (Points off into the distance.) Do you know where that is?
Yes. I've seen it. Angry Devo or something?
Groucho's Deli. (Crosses her arms.) I thought you were good with names.
I was just thinking of the picture on the sign of the (Mimics the angry face.) angry looking guy (Uses his hands to show where a hat would be on his head.) with the wierd red hat.
(Looks at her watch and quickly stands.) Look. I've got to get back to work right now, but I wouldn't mind bumping into you again if you just happen to be there.
Thank you. (Stands.) I'll make sure I find it.
I-1-18
Easy, it's just down the... I can show you if you want. I walk right past it on my way back to work.
Sure, if you don't mind.
(Walking off stage.) And anyway, I want to hear more about how you beat up Leonard.
I didn't... Wait! (Runs to catch up.) You didn't tell me the details about Sofie!