| Trainer: | A workplace harrassment trainer. May be any gender. |
| Employee: | An employee assigned mandatory harrassment training. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | Training room. |
| AT RISE: | TRAINER is seated. |
Good morning. Good afternoon. Whatever it is. It doesn't matter. And you are?
Bob. (Feel free to change this name to any name you prefer)
Yes. Please sit, and welcome to mandatory harassment training. Why are you here with us today?
(Sits) Us?
Me. I am us. What brings you in today?
It is mandatory.
I-1-2
Ah, yes. That is why I am here as well. I mean, it is voluntary, but they do pay me, perhaps involuntary. Either way, we are both getting paid to be here.
I'm not. I was told I had to come here during my unpaid break.
Yes. Because of the elevator incident.
You've read my file?
I skimmed it.
It wasn't harassment. I was just nervous.
(Looking in file.) It says you referred to another employee's viability of being a sex worker. Is that correct?
No! Not at all!
I-1-3
Why don't you tell me what happened from your view, in your, well, how you would say it. No need to beat around the bush. Direct. No filter. Just lay it on me. Good? Go.
I was waiting for the elevator. And when...
(Interrupting) Good. No room for harassment there. It isn't like you can push an elevator's buttons. I mean you can. But, that is what it is there for. Right?
Yes. I guess so.
Continue.
The door opened and I saw...
(Interrupting) What door is this?
The elevator door.
OK. That makes a lot more sense. Please, continue.
I-1-4
The door opens and I see a person I don't really know in there and they were, well, you know.
No. I wasn't there. You are telling me.
They were scratching their crotch.
Just a little crotch scratch?
That's the thing. It wasn't a little. It was really hard. Deep. I mean a real hard and deep scratch job.
Can you demonstrate?
I'd rather not.
(Stands) I can try and you can tell me if I have it right. (Begins to scratch)
(Interrupts) No. Please. It was just a scratch.
I-1-5
(Sits) And you didn't join in?
No! Of course not. Why would I join in?
You didn't scratch yourself or the other person?
Absolutely not.
Then, I don't see the harassment here. Surely you could have done more.
That isn't where it ended. They said, "Sorry. That isn't professional."
I agree. If anything, I might claim it is harassment.
It was just a scratch. But, it made me nervous. I didn't know what to say.
So, you got off the elevator and went about your day. That isn't a very interesting story.
I-1-6
No. I replied.
What did you say? Digging for gold? Need a hand? Is it crab season?
No. Nothing like that. I said that it just depended on your profession.
I get the attempt at humor, but I think that mine were a lot better.
I wasn't really trying to be funny. I was just trying to not be so nervous.
(Looking at the file again) So, when did you call this other person a sex worker?
I didn't. I just made that one comment and then had to stand there until the elevator got to the next floor. I didn't hear anything for the next four weeks and then I get a letter from HR telling me that I have to do mandatory harassment training.
I-1-7
Well, there isn't a lot I can work with here.
Because it isn't harassment. I didn't do anything wrong.
I think you did a lot wrong.
Really?
There are so many ways you could have really leaned into the harassment. You could have scratched yourself. You could have said you had an itch also and offered up your crotch.
No. What? Arean't you supposed to tell me how to not harass people?
This isn't about me. This is about you.
But, I didn't intend to do anything wrong.
It isn't about intent. We always say, "Intent is irrelevant. Perception is profit."
I-1-8
Harm.
What?
Perception is harm.
Oh, sure, in theory. But in practice? In litigation? It’s all about what makes the company look better. You could be Mother Teresa in a cardigan, but if Legal says it’s a bad look... boom! training!
I'm confused. Isn’t this training supposed to help prevent harassment?
(Patronizing) Oh, my dear. Prevention is expensive. Liability shielding is efficient.
I’m sorry. Are you seriously teaching me how to avoid getting caught instead of how to not harass people?
Correct. Because the difference matters. Let me explain the "Three Ps": Plausible Deniability, Power Dynamics, and Proximity Management.
I-1-9
The three Ps?
Let’s break it down. (Breaths) Plausible Deniability. Always be vague. Say “interesting outfit” instead of “you look hot.” If they complain, you say it was about the colors, the cut, the energy. No provable intent. No problem.
That’s manipulation.
It’s survival. You think the VP of Operations is in these trainings? No. He just knows what not to say in an email.
But, shouldn’t the point be not doing the harm in the first place?
You're adorable. Harm is subjective. HR isn’t here to protect people. They're here to protect the (quotes) brand.
I agree with that.
I-1-10
Now, on to Power Dynamics. Always punch down gently. Compliment interns, not executives. Gossip sideways. Never flirt up unless you're sure they flirted first... on camera.
This is... This is insane.
It’s advanced. Don’t worry, most people don’t master it until their third complaint. Let’s do a quick role-play.
I’d rather not.
You’re at the printer. (Stands) Someone bends over. (Bends over) What do you do?
(Looking away) Look away.
(Wiggles butt) Why?
Because it’s respectful?
I-1-11
(Stands up) Wrong. (Overly emotive) Because there’s a camera above the water cooler. Look at the wall with purpose. Be seen not looking.
This is wrong.
This is the system. Do you want to keep your job or win a moral trophy?
(Sits back and talks to the ceiling) This is just mandatory.
(Ignoring) Third P: Proximity Management. Distance yourself physically, but not emotionally. Build rapport without touching. Learn names. Eye contact, two seconds max. Want to try it?
I don’t want to be here anymore.
Ah, discomfort. That’s the sweet spot. That’s when you’re learning. (Still standing, gets closer) Let’s test your threshold. I’ll inch closer. You tell me when you feel uncomfortable.
I-1-12
(Quickly) Now.
See? That’s progress. You’ve identified a boundary. That’s the real value of this training. Not in changing behavior, just in learning how to signal safely. (Leans in, but not too close) This? This is where most complaints are born. In the gray. In the almost. In the plausible.
I feel you're harassing me.
(Pauses. Smiles.) What?
This is harassment. You’re making me feel unsafe. You’re using your role, your authority, your proximity, and it’s not a simulation anymore. You crossed a line.
Come on. It isn't like I was getting this close. (Leans in very close, nearly touching)
I’m going to file a report.
You really think anyone will believe that I, in the a teaching role, intended to harass anyone?
I-1-13
No. But intent isn't important. It is all about perception.
(Stands tall with excitement) Exactly.
And perception leads to protection of the brand.
You've learned!
Yes, I have. (Stands up and storms out)
(Sits) Am I a great teacher or what?