| Cashier: | A cashier in retail business attire. May be any gender. |
| Customer: | A customer in leisure attire. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A nondescript business, preferrably with a counter. |
| AT RISE: | CASHIER is at the counter. |
Hello, how may I help you?
Hi. I want to buy an ice cream cone. Do you have buttered pecan?
Sorry. We don’t have that.
I figured. Can I get a fudge ripple ice cream cone?
No. We don’t have that.
Well, I guess I’ll take strawberry ice cream.
I’m sorry. We don’t have that.
I-1-2
Fine. Make it a plain chocolate ice cream cone.
We don’t have chocolate ice cream.
Really? How can you not have chocolate ice cream?
We just don’t.
Well, what’s your favorite ice cream?
I prefer not to say.
Come on. What is it? I’ll take anything.
You’ll think I’m weird.
No, I won’t. What do you like?
I like coconut sherbet.
I-1-3
(Making a sour face) Oh…
I knew you’d think I’m weird.
No. I just don’t like coconut, but I want something cold and sweet, so I’ll try a coconut sherbet ice cream cone.
We don’t have coconut sherbet ice cream.
You just said it was your favorite.
It is, but we don’t have it.
Let me think.
Well, I can tell you…
(Interrupting) No. I want to guess.
I-1-4
But…
(Interrupting) Green tea?
No.
Bubble gum?
No.
Black cherry?
No.
Cedar Hill blackberry goat cheese?
No.
(Pauses…) So, what exactly do you have?
I-1-5
(Thinks for a moment) I remember seeing a half-eaten cup of coconut yogurt in the back.
I’ll take that.
But, you said you didn’t like coconut.
I don’t care. I’ll take half a cup of coconut yogurt.
It’s been back there for at least three days.
I don’t care. I’ll take it.
It is a bit runny. You know how yogurt gets all watery when it sits out?
That’s just how I like my coconut yogurt, nice and runny.
Just a moment.
I-1-6
Janet ate it.
(Gets out phone…) Let me look up ice cream flavors on Wikipedia.
But, I think you should know…
(Interrupting) Apple?
No.
Almond?
No.
Bacon?
Bacon ice cream is a thing?
I-1-7
Apparently. Do you have it?
No.
Balsamic fig? Banana? Basil? Bastani sonnati?
No, no, no, and no.
Blueberry? Blue heaven? Blue moon?
We don’t have blue anything.
I give up. Just give me vanilla, a plain old ordinary vanilla ice cream cone.
We don’t have vanilla ice cream.
You don’t have vanilla ice cream?
I-1-8
Correct. We don’t have vanilla ice cream.
But it’s the most popular flavor of ice cream in the world!
Nobody ever asks for it here.
Nobody ever asks you for vanilla ice cream here?
No. You are the first.
What kind of crazy ice cream shop is this?
This is a bank.