| Alice: | A passenger on the airplane. Name is only for reference when reading lines. May be any gender. |
| Bob: | Another passenger who was once in a popular band. Name is only for reference when reading lines. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A passenger airplane. Two seats, side by side, are used as airline seats. |
| AT RISE: | ALICE is sitting in one of the chairs. |
This is 3C, right?
Yes. I think so.
(Sitting) Good. Just a short flight.
Pushing it close. We are just about to take off and... Wait. How did you get on the plane just now? We already left the gate.
I was just up in the cockpit. A couple of the older crew wanted a short chat before I sat down.
Oh, getting support? You got issues about flying?
I-1-2
Oh, no. I've flown practically everywhere, but that was long ago.
I hardly every fly anywhere. My sister got me this ticket.
That's nice.
Did your sister buy your ticket.
No. I don't have a sister.
Really?
Really.
I know you, don't I?
I don't think so.
I-1-3
No. I'm sure I've seen you before.
We both just spent a good hour funneling through airport security. I'm sure you saw me at some point in there, getting a pat down by Carl as he kept saying "Me excuse sorry" over and over.
Wait... Were you the guy with the suitcase full of Duke's mayonnaise?
No. Sorry. I'm not that much into condiments. Now, if you are looking for a suitcase full of artisanal cheeses, I've got you covered.
Really?
No. Not really.
Bickly Place.
What?
I-1-4
You're the manager at Bickly Place. I complained to you because my muffuletta had practically no olive spread on it.
A muffuletta?
It's the best sandwich ever. Bread. Olive spread. Cheese. Meat. Cheese. Meat. Cheese. Meat. (Pauses and mentally counts) Cheese. Meat. Cheese. Olive spread. Bread. And... Perfection.
That sounds... No. That wasn't me.
Are you sure?
Yes.
"Yes" you're sure or "yes" you're really the manager?
I'm sure I am not the manager of Buckly Place. I know nothing about muffulettas or olive spreads.
I-1-5
Bickly Place, not Buckly Place.
Look, I'm not the manager of any place. Buckly, Bickly, Beckly, Backly, or Bockly Place. I am not and have never been a manager. I can barely manage my cholesterol.
Really?
Really.
I know I've seen you. I have a very good memory for faces.
It doesn't seem so.
Oh, I always remember a face, just not where I saw it or who it belongs to.
I think the point of remembering faces is to remember where you saw the face and who the face belongs to.
I-1-6
Wait! You're a salesman.
No.
You didn't try to sell me that old station wagon with the slight fishy smell in it?
No.
You had that saying, something like, "I'll make ya holla for a dolla!"
I've never said that in my life.
Never?
Well, there are a few, very few, nights that I didn't remember the next day. But, overall, I'd say never.
I-1-7
Oh yes. Like when they put you under for surgery. That's something you don't want to remember. Hey! A doctor. Did I see you when I had that thing growing on my...
(Interrupting) No.
Nurse?
No.
Gardener or maid or butler or, I know, you clean pools.
No. Nothing at all like that.
Are you the police officer who gave me a ticket for parking on the sidewalk? (Mimes in a condescending voice) "Excuse me. Do you realize you are on the sidewalk?"
No, and a police officer would not be giving out parking tickets. That would be parking enforcement. It is a common misconception that all police are officers.
I-1-8
So, you do work with the police.
No. I don't. My mother did.
Maybe you were visiting your mother when I was at the police station.
You went to the police station for a parking ticket? That's all online now.
No. I thought about it, but I didn't actually go. Sometimes I confuse what's in my head with what's going on outside my head.
Well, no. You didn't see me at a police station.
Really?
Really.
I-1-9
Maybe I didn't see you in person.
That's very possible.
Have you ever been on a billboard? Maybe holding up a roll of very soft toilet paper.
I don't think so. I've never done advertising.
A magazine. Were you in that article about the kids who got trapped in the Small World ride at Disneyland... (imagining reading the headline) Where are they now?
No. Maybe I was in some magazine. I don't really keep up with print media.
I wouldn't know. I don't read magazines or newspapers. I figure everything I need to know is on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? You got followers?
I doubt it. If I am on Instagram, it isn't me. People make fake accounts on there, right?
I-1-10
Of course. Most of it is fake. The TV in the airport was doing a news segment about how fake social media is when we... Oh! Television. You were on television.
I admit, I have been on television before.
You do the weather in Tampa Bay and always blame your bad forecasts on "atmospheric mischief."
No. I'm not. I can't even predict how long it takes my microwave to heat up my cup of tea.
But, you do weather stuff on TV? No? Are you sure?
Yes.
"Yes" you're sure or "yes" you do weather on TV?
Yes. I'm sure I do not do any weather forecasting anywhere on television.
I-1-11
Really?
Really.
You got me. I give up. What do you do?
I'm not quizzing you. I'm just trying to take a short peaceful flight. But, I don't really do much of anything these days.
So, why are you flying?
I have an invite to a little event thing. It isn't important.
That sounds nice. I'm just going to see my sister.
I would much prefer to be visiting family.
I-1-12
Not my sister. I refer to her house as the grand temple of passive aggressiveness.
I'm sure she's nice. Everyone has something nice about them.
I doubt it. Back in school, she was a great sprinter. So, I tried to be like her when I got to high school. She was upset that I was trying to "steal her thunder." So, when I came in dead last in my first, and only, race, she gave me a "You Tried Your Best, Now You Rest" trophy.
It can be hard to find niceness. Some people might come off as annoying, but I just remind myself that they likely don't know how annoying they are. It isn't on purpose. In the end, I have to ask myself what it is about me, as a person, that identifies the other person as being annoying. Then, it becomes a chance for self improvement.
That's nice. You are always improving?
Not always. Just when the situation presents itself. For example, I might improve a great deal by the end of this flight.
I-1-13
You might. Right.
Isn't that a song?
Isn't what a song?
"Might Right" was a song, I think.
I think you are thinking of "Right Might."
Yes. That song by that band.
Exactly.
I can't really think of the band's name. I can visualize their faces, but I can't see the name.
You can see their faces?
I-1-14
Yes. I see them very clearly in my head. Big hair. Eye liner. That one had the lower lip out looking all pouty. And the drummer. He looked like a gerbil with puffy cheeks.
We called him Craig.
Gerbil Craig. Yes. I am very good at remembering faces.
Really?
Really.
This is going to bug me more than trying to remember where I've seen you.
(Pointing at their own face) You can see their faces.
Who's faces?
I-1-15
Emo Skies.
Emo Who?
Emo Skies.
Who Skies?
Emo Skies.
Who who?
Emo Skies is the band who released "Right Might."
Really?
Really.
I-1-16
Are you sure about that?
Yes.
Wait. Are you the guy from the record store on Walnut Street who is always pushing weird Scandinavian metal music on everyone?
No.
Then, how would you know which band put out some old song?
OK. I give up. I was in Emo Skies. I wrote "Right Might."
Are you sure?
Yes. I'm sure. You probably saw me on the album cover or on television for one of our music videos. I'm the one with the big hair and a pouty lip, and none of that hair band stuff was my idea. It was a studio thing.
I-1-17
(Thinking) No... That's not it.
It probably is. (Sticks out lower lip) And I had big hair back then. Probably went through enough hair spray to punch a hole in the ozone the size of Cincinnati.
No. That can't be it. I'd remember. But, I am absolutely positive I've seen your face before.
Really?
Really.
(Singing softly) We can take it all. We can put it right. And a very groove we can show our might.
It is "with every move," not "a very groove."
Are you sure?
I-1-18
Yes. I wrote it, in my garage at 4am. Spent all night trying to put something together and out of desperation, with a belly full of cold pizza, I forced a one-five-four-five chord progression into submission and piled on anything I could find that rhymed.
That doesn't sound like the best way to write popular music. It's supposed to express feelings and emotions.
Optimally, yes. Not always. The line, "The pizza is sweet as the cold concrete under my feet" literally came from eating cold pizza in a cold garage at night, but you wouldn't believe the crazy interpretations people put on it.
It could be in reference to how the things we find important in life are temporary and that, in the end, we will all be buried in the cold ground.
It isn't that deep. It was very literal. I couldn't have been more literal.
Really?
Really.
I-1-19
I've got it!
Got what?
You were on my flight when I went to see my sister.
That's this flight.
Oh. Right. Might be.
Right might.
What?
Nothing. I think we are about to land.
Really?
Really.