| Shy: | One of two friends, the shyer of the two. May be any gender. |
| Fun: | One of two freinds, the funner of the two. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A beach. |
| AT RISE: | SHY and FUN enter. |
I shouldn't be here. This is a mistake. This is a sand-filled mistake.
Come on. This is just a beach. It is fun.
It is a nightmare and...
(Interrupting) Stop it. Take a deep breath and enjoy the fresh sea air.
(Breathing and then making a grimmace.) What's that smell?
(Laying out a beach towel) What smell?
It smells like coconut and fish and (sniffs) is that insect repellent?
I-1-2
It is the beach.
What beach? All I see is a vast sea of half-naked people that, honestly, shouldn't be so comfortable with being half-naked.
(Sitting on towel) You are a prude. All bodies are beautiful.
Seriously?
And don't stare.
(Clearly staring) I'm not staring.
(Also staring) Maybe she couldn't afford the cost of a suit to cover, well, all of that.
Can we just, you know...
I-1-3
No. We are not going home. This is a good spot. We just sit and enjoy ourselves.
Do you know where that sand's been?
It is just sand.
Do you want to bet how many infectious cellular life forms are swirling around below you right now?
Sit or I am losing your keys in the sand and we won't be able to drive home. It will be a long walk all the way down the beach.
That's better.
I hope you plan to pay for my antibiotics after this.
Just lean your head back and soak in the sun's rays.
I-1-4
Did you know that UVA rays from the sun cause damage to the surface of the skin, increasing wrinkles and reducing elasticity?
No talk of UVA rays.
Did you know that UVB rays from the sun are the leading cause of skin cancer?
No talk of UVB rays.
Did you...
(Interrupting) No UVC rays. No UVD rays. No UV-anything rays.
You're the one who wanted me to soak them in, permanently damaging my skin and likely triggering a cancerous little dot that initially looks like a normal freckle, but then in a few years it turns into a massive hideous bump that has to be removed leaving a large indention where I used to have skin, but, just because someone decided we were going to have a beach day...
I-1-5
(Interrupting) Fine. If you simply can't enjoy the beautiful world around you, maybe we should begin rethinking the time you spend around me.
It isn't you. It is all of (motions around the entire beach) this.
This? Nature? Beautiful, chaotic nature. It is just here for us to enjoy. It’s not trying to give you cancer.
Yes. Beautiful nature. That seagull just tried to steal a bag of Cheetos from that toddler.
That’s initiative! That bird’s living its best life.
It is kind of... big.
It’s the ocean. It’s literally the biggest.
I-1-6
No, I mean it’s... vast. Deep. Like it doesn’t care if I worry about it or not.
Okay, philosopher. I see you. (Suddenly shocked) And I see my ex.
Where?
(Nods in a direction) Over there. Don't look.
(Pointing) There?
Don't point!
Oh, yes. He must like the beach as well.
Oh, so you like the beach now?
I didn’t say I liked it.
I-1-7
But you didn’t say you hated it.
You never said, specifically, that you hate your ex.
Ugh. Yes. I hate my ex. (Standing) Now, can we just go.
I think... I want to stay a little longer.
What?
You go. I’ll just sit here. Absorb my daily recommended dose of melancholy.
You’re serious?
I’m sure the seagulls will keep me company.
But I thought you said the sand was full of bacteria.
I-1-8
It is. But it’s also warm. Like slightly infectious comfort.
You know what? Fine. You stay. I’m going home. I need a shower and an air-conditioned room and a reminder that my friends aren't completely unraveling at the seams.
Take my keys. I can walk back along the beach.
Fine.
(Softly) It’s kind of beautiful. In a terrifying, wet, endless sort of way.