| Tutor: | Not really a tutor. Pretending to be a tutor for money. May be any gender. |
| Student: | Doesn't pay attention in school and is being forced to use a tutor to pass algebra. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A table in the student's house. |
| AT RISE: | BOTH are sitting at the table with homework on the table between them. |
All right! Let's dive into the thrilling world of Algebra. You ready?
Ready to be done. How long is this supposed to take?
An hour, but with our combined brainpower, we can bust it out in forty minutes, tops.
Great. Let's skip to the part where you tell me what to write so I can pretend I learned something.
No, no no. We're here to unlock your potential.
You are not unlocking anything of mine.
I-1-2
Let's just get to your homework. (Looks at homework paper) What do we have here? It is x+3=7. Classic equation. Very famous. Nobel prize material.
I'm pretty sure nobody ever won a Nobel prize for that.
Ah, maybe not. But perhaps they should have. It is all about perspective.
And what's the answer?
What answer?
This, here. x+3=7. What's x?
What do you think x is?
I think x is the reason I'm wasting time here instead of hanging with my friends.
I-1-3
We can do this. We just have to solve the puzzle. Think of it as one of those escape rooms. What do you always do first in an escape room?
I've never been to an escape room.
Neither have I, but if I did go to one, I would start by making a mental note of what I can ignore so I can focus on the important stuff.
It is just x+3=7. There is nothing to ignore.
Stick with me. I think we are on to something. If we take away what we don't want, we end up with subtraction. That's it!
Subtraction?
When you really think about it, all of math is just subtraction hidden in a fancy coat. Sometimes it has tassels. Sometimes it is all furry. Fake fur. I don't do real fur. Ever see one of those old teen movies where they have jackets with buttons and zippers all over them?
I-1-4
Are you sure you are an algebra tutor?
Absolutely. All we need to do is subtract. No... Yes... I think I remember balance. We have to balance, like yoga.
You think you can downward dog your way out of this?
Well, it isn't like you are providing much help.
You're the tutor.
You're supposed to be the genius student.
If I was a genius, I wouldn't need a tutor.
I am certain that I remember balance. My teacher drew a see-saw on top of the equal sign. We have to subtract both sides from each other or something like that.
If it is balanced, you subtract the same thing from both sides.
I-1-5
Yes. We can subtract one from both sides, which gives us x+3-1 on one side and 7-1 on the other. If we do all this mathy stuff, we have x+2 on one side and 6 on the other. Does that look right?
It doesn't give us x.
But, the numbers are smaller. That's good, right?
Sure. Why not. Do it again if you like and let me know when you are ready to give me the actual answer.
We can do it again. Then, well, we have x+2-1 on one side and 6-1 on the other. Ugh. More mathy stuff.
It is x+1=5.
See. I know what I'm doing. The numbers are even smaller now. If we do it again, we get x+1-1 and 5-1. That is... Can we add and subtract 1 at the same time?
One minus one is nothing. That just leaves x, so x=4.
I-1-6
Now, we've completely lost the number on one side.
Wait. It says x=4. We have the answer.
Of course. That's exactly how you do it. It is all about subtraction.
That sounds fake.
It isn't fake. It is... conceptual. Think of it as jazz. You improvise.
Do you plan to improvise your way through this whole lesson?
I'm not the one failing algebra.
I'm not the one pretending to be an algebra tutor.
I-1-7
I'm not pretending. I just believe in unconventional methods. Holistic mathematics. Focus on everything and the answer will reveal itself.
I should have just lied and told my mom I finished my homework in detention.
Too late now. We're in this together.
I seriously doubt you are in anything that has anything at all to do with algebra.
Harsh. Maybe a bit true, but still harsh.
I'm just being honest.
(Leans in) Well, if you are being so honest, why are you even here? You don't want to know algebra. I can't teach it. What's the point?
Just serving time.
I-1-8
It sure feels like that... You know, I once spent the night in lockup in Palm Springs.
Really?
Well, it was spring break. There was a lot of alcohol and a lot of dr... alcohol. Our hotel had weird sloping walls and I got the bright idea to ride my skateboard down the side.
You skateboard?
I did, back then. Not so much now.
I have a Baker, but I don't do much. Just roll from place to place.
I had Powell Peralta. Police confiscated it after I plowed into the horse.
A horse?
I-1-9
Well, I had so much momentum when I hit the sidewalk that it carried me right into the street. There was a horse and carriage thing for tourists and I laid that horse out flat.
Damn!
Tweeked my shoulder. Still hurts. Lost my board. All in all, a bad weekend.
Sounds like a fun weekend to me.
I've always had a memory of the horse telling me to stop horsing around. I'm not sure what I was on that let me talk to animals.
Do you know any tricks?
Well, you just ollie. Once you get that down, it is just improvising.
Like a kick flip is just an ollie where you kick your foot off the board, right?
I-1-10
Yep. An impossible is where you ollie and swing your back foot around.
Why aren't you skating? Why are you tutoring something you don't know anything about?
I need the money. I saw an ad asking for an algebra tutor and I figured it couldn't be that hard.
It probably wouldn't be if I even paid attention.
I can't blame you. I never did, but I also didn't have a mother who cared enough to hire a tutor.
She's just paying for a tutor so she can tell her friends what a great mom she is.
You know, I forgot to ask. How much does this pay?
She paid the old guy $40 per hour session.
I-1-11
Really? $40 for just one hour of sitting here and pretending to know stuff?
Yep. That's the going rate.
I don't have to wash anything? I can keep my clothes on? No needles?
Just the tutoring. I'm not doing anything else.
I have an idea... What if you tell your mother that I'm a great tutor and you need weekly lessons. I'll split the fee with you. Are you up for that?
Sure. I'll take $20 to sit and talk about skateboarding.
But, she will know something is up when you don't have your homework done.
Well, we just have to bust it out. It can't be that hard. Even some of the dumb kids pass the class.
I-1-12
Cool. I can handle that. Let's get your book and notes.
I don't take notes.
Let's get your book and we can figure this out. Then, skateboarding.
I think my mother will realize that you aren't tutoring if we are outside skateboarding.
It is all conceptual, remember? I use the flow of the board to teach the rhythms of the math. I remember a Bones Brigade video... it was from way back in the 80s... where they were making a ramp in the desert and they were talking about parabolas and stuff.
That sounds reasonable.
Do you think she'll fall for it?
I-1-13
Probably. She rarely pays attention to anyone except herself. It's like she thinks the more selfies she takes the younger she gets and, seriously, does anyone really care what kind of smoothie she got or her favorite new color of Lululemon pants that, really, she doesn't need to be showing all of "that" to the world.
I understand completely. No argument.
You know, you are better than the last tutor... Not smarter. You're an idiot. But, better.
Thanks. It is settled. We race through this, cash in, and next time I bring my board.