| Alex: | A person who is writing a speech for their sister's wedding. May be any gender. |
| Bob: | Alex's friend. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | Alex's living room. |
| AT RISE: | Alex is using a laptop computer. |
What are you doing now? Please tell me it’s not another AI-generated smoothie recipe.
Nope! This is better. I'm having ChatGPT write my speech for my sister's wedding.
(Alarmed) You’re trusting a robot with the biggest speech of your life?
Correction: I’m collaborating with a language model trained on the entire internet. It’s like having all of Shakespeare, Oprah, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson writing with me.
Wow. That’s a terrifying committee.
I-1-2
Okay, here it is. Version one. (Clears throat. Reading) “Dear newlyweds. Marriage is like a computer... Sometimes it crashes, sometimes it updates unexpectedly, but mostly, it needs regular debugging and snacks.”
(Laughs) Oh my god.
There’s more.
(Reading) “And just like I downloaded this speech from the cloud, may your love always sync... unless your Wi-Fi is weak.”
Is it trying to be romantic or giving marriage advice from inside a printer?
It’s edgy! Quirky! I asked it to be ‘relatable to millennials.’
Millennials aren’t printers.
I-1-3
Okay, okay. I’ll tweak the prompt. Let’s go heartfelt. “Write a touching best man speech in the style of a Pixar movie.”
That sounds dangerous.
(Reading new result) “Once upon a time, there was a lonely shoe. And then... another shoe. Together, they became a pair.”
Are you giving a speech or narrating a deleted scene from Toy Story 8?
Hold on, it says: “Sometimes love is just finding the one who fits, even if you’re Velcro and they’re laces.”
That’s either profound or the worst metaphor ever written.
(Gleeful) I kind of love it.
Did it just (pause for effect) emotionally manipulate you?
I-1-4
I may have cried a little when the left shoe got lost and the right one had to find it.
We are losing the battle against the machines.
Alright. Last try. I’ll make it “funny, heartfelt, and appropriate for a wedding.”
(Types rapidly. Pauses. Reads.) “To the bride: I’ve known you since we were kids. You once tried to eat sand because you thought it was seasoning.”
Wait... is that true?
No! ChatGPT made that up! It’s inventing fake memories!
It’s hallucinating your childhood.
It even says, “I remember the day we got stuck in a vending machine together.”
I-1-5
You and your sister and a vending machine?
It’s like it’s trying to make me interesting by making me a cartoon character.
Honestly, this speech is gonna make you sound like an unreliable narrator.
Fine. I’ll just wing it. Use bullet points.
Use memories that happened.
But the shoes... they found each other.
(Grabbing the laptop) No more shoes. No more vending machines. You are grounded from AI.
At least let me ask it what kind of toast is best for a wedding.
I-1-6
If it says “gluten-free,” I’m throwing the laptop out the window.
OK. OK. But, I really need to know how to end.
End?
Like with anything, a speech, a book, a play... I never know how to bring it to an end.
(Typing and then reading) It says you should say "thank you" and wait for your audience to clap.
Like this? (to the audience) Thank you.
(Long pause) I think that sort of worked.