| Alice: | An actor. Name is only for reference when reading lines. May be any gender. |
| Bob: | An actor. Name is only for reference when reading lines. May be any gender. |
I-1-1
| SETTING: | A stage. |
| AT RISE: | ALICE and BOB are on stage, sitting in chairs. |
You haven't opened the script once.
I opened it. I just didn’t look at it.
The director’s going to kill us. This show opens in five days.
Correction — this community show opens in five days. I think the stakes are lower than you think. No one's winning a Tony.
That’s not the point. It’s about professionalism. Commitment. Integrity.
You sound like a cereal commercial.
I-1-2
You’re playing Hamlet’s ghost. You have monologues!
Yeah, but like, spooky ones. I figure if I just float around and whisper vaguely threatening things, it’ll land.
No. It won’t “land.” It’ll crash. Into the stage. And I’ll be the one standing next to your flaming wreckage yelling, “LINE?”
(shrugs) So yell it. That’s what prompters are for.
We don’t have a prompter!
Then the audience can be the prompter. Group activity. Builds community.
You're impossible.
You're dramatic.
We're actors.
I-1-3
(smirks) Speak for yourself.
Okay. Let’s do this. One scene. Just one. If you get through half your lines, I’ll buy you coffee.
And if I get through none?
You buy me coffee. And learn your lines.
(stands, stretching) Deal. Hit me.
(clears throat, flips to scene) “All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity—”
“Line?”
We haven’t even gotten to your cue!
Pre-emptive strike.
I-1-4
You’re hopeless.
You say that like it’s new information.
Fine. We’ll improvise. I’ll say something, you react. Let’s just feel it out.
(perking up) Now that’s more my style.
Okay. I say: “My lord, I saw him yesternight.”
(in a ghostly voice) Wasn’t me. Must’ve been my cousin Greg.
Ghosts don’t have cousins!
You’re assuming ghost family structures work like ours. Bit speciesist, don’t you think?
(pinches bridge of nose) I can’t believe this is happening.
I-1-5
You know what your problem is?
Please. Enlighten me.
You think the audience came for the words. But they came for us. The magic. The chaos. The—what’s the word—presence. They want to feel something. And me forgetting my lines? That’s real.
It’s terrifying.
(sincerely) Exactly.
You’re not going to learn them, are you?
Nope.
(sighs, then sits back down) Fine. Then we’ll just wing it. But I swear to God, if you say “Greg” on opening night, I’m quitting theatre forever.
I-1-6
(grinning) You say that every time.
And yet here I am.
You know what line I do remember?
(warily) What?
“Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.”
Wow. A miracle.
Yeah. It’s us.